I think about this distinction all the time! To me charm has always felt subtler, quietly captivating and enchanting rather than immediately arresting like charisma. Charisma feels more grandiose and like it is more explicitly demonstrated? I’m a fan of both, obviously. I also wonder about the difference of how charm and charisma are typically received when it’s a man vs. a woman?
Yes I agree! And maybe charm is associated with the temptress archetype in a woman? Although both charm and charisma feel more innocuous in a woman to me despite this
I have found charisma to be more rare than charm. Magnetism and presence are harder to develop in an online world. Loved the piece, west village woman!
“Charismatic people persuade you that they are worth following to the ends of the earth… Charming people persuade you that you are worth following to the ends of the earth”
Took myself to get a scoop of marionberry cheesecake ice cream immediately after reading this (proof there are 92884758 Van Leeuwen’s in this city… It was on my way home! I had to!!!) Charmed!
I think I've always been more drawn to charm than charisma, even romantically. I don't know why but I associate charisma with other, more negative traits. Ponytail Phil would have disgusted me even as he complimented me the first time, and I've never liked when men come up to me in bars even... Why am I like this?
I enjoyed so much. I saw you walking down the streets with ice cream and a ciggie in your hand.
I think I have a bit of both. And as I was reading this, I realised I do have charisma and I USE it. I carry it as a tool. My charm I believe, is a result of my obsession with kindness and sweetness and patience towards others.
just ended a fling with a guy who had an inexorable amount of charm and what I now realize after reading this piece was charisma up the wazoo...u can imagine how i am feeling rn 🥲
Anything really. Or maybe expand on this: “in 2025 i’ve made an active effort to not care about a lot of things that used to control my self-perception, and in turn feel exponentially more charismatic…”
I feel like charm is something that’s easier to control—we can learn to wield it, to switch it on and off and modulate it as appropriate. On the other hand, the few truly charismatic people I’ve known don’t seem to have much choice about it. I’m not saying they don’t know they’re charismatic, but often they seem to be hanging on for dear life to a force that could make their dreams come true, but just as easily destroy them and those they love.
Then there’s the way these things work in groups: charisma starts cults. Charisma leads people into battle. Charm brightens a customer’s day or lets you jump the queue to use the photocopier.
Advertising legend David Ogilvy defined ‘charisma’ as charm + persuasiveness I think that gets to the heart of it. Charisma is partly about power - it’s active and wants something - charm is more passive and non transactional.
Such a lovely read, I felt like I was walking the streets with you. I've always felt that charm is a smooth and predictable form of interaction. And because it feels more calculated, I tend to find it boring and somewhat fake over time. Charisma on the other hand makes me feel like it's something you might not necessarily like, but you have to admit there's something undeniably attractive and captivating about it. Maybe it's all in the unpredictability.
I think about this distinction all the time! To me charm has always felt subtler, quietly captivating and enchanting rather than immediately arresting like charisma. Charisma feels more grandiose and like it is more explicitly demonstrated? I’m a fan of both, obviously. I also wonder about the difference of how charm and charisma are typically received when it’s a man vs. a woman?
that is so interesting, charisma is inherently more sinister when coming from a man i suppose?
Yes I agree! And maybe charm is associated with the temptress archetype in a woman? Although both charm and charisma feel more innocuous in a woman to me despite this
Trina’s make the world go round !! But now I’m wondering, are you born with a finite amount of swag or can it be acquired
no i think it can be acquired !!!!! some of my most favorite, most charismatic people were awkward growing up
Developed I think more than acquired
yes totally
You’re not born with swag—your environment determines the amount of swag you begin with. It’s up to you to acquire more.
I have found charisma to be more rare than charm. Magnetism and presence are harder to develop in an online world. Loved the piece, west village woman!
thank you!!!
“Charismatic people persuade you that they are worth following to the ends of the earth… Charming people persuade you that you are worth following to the ends of the earth”
https://tempo.substack.com/p/activists-vs-opportunists-which-are
Took myself to get a scoop of marionberry cheesecake ice cream immediately after reading this (proof there are 92884758 Van Leeuwen’s in this city… It was on my way home! I had to!!!) Charmed!
did you enjoy it- thank you so much for reading, you rock
Obbbviously I enjoyed it! My fav tho is (& always will be) black cherry choc chip <3
this means literally so much to me you have no idea
I think I've always been more drawn to charm than charisma, even romantically. I don't know why but I associate charisma with other, more negative traits. Ponytail Phil would have disgusted me even as he complimented me the first time, and I've never liked when men come up to me in bars even... Why am I like this?
i so hear you but i think being attracted toward charm vs charisma is a BLESSING!
I enjoyed so much. I saw you walking down the streets with ice cream and a ciggie in your hand.
I think I have a bit of both. And as I was reading this, I realised I do have charisma and I USE it. I carry it as a tool. My charm I believe, is a result of my obsession with kindness and sweetness and patience towards others.
I truly enjoyed this!
thank you!!!!
just ended a fling with a guy who had an inexorable amount of charm and what I now realize after reading this piece was charisma up the wazoo...u can imagine how i am feeling rn 🥲
love you sister
Obsessed with this & made me crave a cig 😩💔
🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍
I loved this, so well done, I felt like I was smoking a bogie with you
thank you!!!!
Can you write more stuff on charisma/swag please?
yeah what do you want to know
Anything really. Or maybe expand on this: “in 2025 i’ve made an active effort to not care about a lot of things that used to control my self-perception, and in turn feel exponentially more charismatic…”
Really thought-provoking piece!
I feel like charm is something that’s easier to control—we can learn to wield it, to switch it on and off and modulate it as appropriate. On the other hand, the few truly charismatic people I’ve known don’t seem to have much choice about it. I’m not saying they don’t know they’re charismatic, but often they seem to be hanging on for dear life to a force that could make their dreams come true, but just as easily destroy them and those they love.
Then there’s the way these things work in groups: charisma starts cults. Charisma leads people into battle. Charm brightens a customer’s day or lets you jump the queue to use the photocopier.
Charisma leads people into battle.
Wow. That is such an interesting observation.
I love the word swag a lot
angelina has been saying it nonstop i picked it up through osmosis
For a moment, I thought Phil was the dog and we were protecting his identity. Haha.
Wonderful read as always. <3
Advertising legend David Ogilvy defined ‘charisma’ as charm + persuasiveness I think that gets to the heart of it. Charisma is partly about power - it’s active and wants something - charm is more passive and non transactional.
Such a lovely read, I felt like I was walking the streets with you. I've always felt that charm is a smooth and predictable form of interaction. And because it feels more calculated, I tend to find it boring and somewhat fake over time. Charisma on the other hand makes me feel like it's something you might not necessarily like, but you have to admit there's something undeniably attractive and captivating about it. Maybe it's all in the unpredictability.