CAKE FOR LUNCH: FALL INS & OUTS!!!

a Lunch on Friday x Angel Cake collab

Editor’s note: For those who do not know, Angelina and Emily are Substack friends, work friends, real-life friends, and neighbors. This is their Fall state of the union address. ENJOY!  

 IN 

posting straight to grid

Angelina: This has been a huge unlock for me recently, stemming from a night out with Valerie in which we made an agreement to do a joint Instagram post in-the-moment at some point before the night was over. I think taking a picture and then immediately posting it to your Instagram (grid, not story) takes the seriousness out of sharing and feels more like posting an AIM status or a stupid tweet or like posting from a Pear Pad on iCarly. MAKE INSTAGRAM CASUAL AGAIN !!!!!

Emily: As someone who loves a curated photo dump from time to time… I feel like we’ve been art directing our life a little too seriously lately. Trying to become a personal brand will inevitably make you forget who you actually are and end up with yellow Onitsuka Tiger sneakers and a “vintage” betty boop t-shirt you no longer want. Don’t overthink it. Your life should be lived straight to grid!!!!!

back-to-school rituals  

Angelina: I look forward to my back-to-school rituals eve›ry year. I love September. I love Fall. My personal back-to-school rituals are as follows: 

• Buying “back-to-school" shoes, which my mom still generously sponsors so that it feels extra authentic (this year’s shoes are my favorite ones yet) 

• Re-reading The Catcher in the Rye 

• Cleaning out my closet and peddling my wares to 2nd Street Vintage and Buffalo Exchange (I actually got more than $37 this year)

• Buying a fall-scented candle for my home (I already went through my REPLICA By the Fireplace candle and now have a $12 pumpkin candle from TJMaxx to balance things out) 

• Getting a back-to-school HAIRCUT which I haven’t yet scheduled because I’m traumatized from chopping my hair last December. That was a huge, impulsive mistake. Please never let me do that again. I’m a long hair girl for life. (By the time this is published, I will actually have had my haircut since I scheduled it after writing. If I don’t like it, you WILL know about it.)

Emily: I discussed this a bit in the piece I wrote about The Cardigan but I love the feeling of back to school even when I’m not in school. I read longer books, I buy new sneakers, I tell my friends that we’re gonna do things like sunday dinners. The refreshed energy after just sweating and laying in the summer is sooo intoxicating 

shopping in person  

Emily: One of my least favorite qualities about myself is how I sometimes get overwhelmed and outsource some of my errands to a*azon. I LOVE shopping in person for everything…. Duct tape, candles, sneakers, paper towels, art… ANYTHING! I think it might have something to do with the fact that I worked retail for almost 8 years in high school/college and LOVED IT. I really respect and value my interactions in store and the future relationships that can be spurred. GO SHOPPING IN PERSON NOW!

Angelina: I LOVE BRICK & MORTAR !!!!! I have always said this! I stand by it! I’m not buying dry shampoo from Amazon I’m going to the LOCAL APOTHECARY!!!!!! Lunch on Friday does NOT endorse the Jeff Bezos Boutique!!!!!!

Emily: Angelina you have full right to hold me accountable everytime you see a amazon package for me by our mailboxes 

Angelina: And I will.

being whimsical  

Angelina: I recently interviewed the wonderful and beautiful and talented and WHIMSICAL Dora Jar about her new album, and when I called it whimsical, she agreed, noting how people have been using that word a lot. Whimsy is IN. 

Emily: So, this one was added after I commented “you’re so whimsical” on our friend Clay’s Instagram post (pictured below)… And It just feels like the vibe right now (for lack of a better phrase), I am trying to float around downtown manhattan like a little fairy this fall because nothing is ever really that serious which brings us to our next In…..

 low-stakes fall  

Angelina: Low-Stakes Fall! Low-Stakes Fall! Do whatever you want. Wear whatever you want. Post whatever you want. No one cares and you shouldn’t either. Low stakes. 

Emily: I am a naturally intense/ambitious person, which can bleed into me taking things waaaaaay too seriously. A few summers ago I got a tattoo on my arm that said “lighten up!” (wrote about that here), because whenever I reflect on periods of my life or how I handled situations I always wish I just lightened up… Nothing is ever that serious !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was grabbing coffee (without my airpods.. Keep reading) and I heard these girls discussing ad NAUSEAM what instagram pictures they should post like they were a multi-million dollar brand… I really just wanted to tell them… No one cares. Not in a mean way, but in a refreshing way. Quite frankly, everything is low stakes. 

 walking around without airpods AND without your phone (also in: eavesdropping) 

Emily: So, the week we added this to our shared notes app, Angelina and I ran into each other in our neighborhood and both times Angelina was presently walking with her phone in her bag and without her airpods and both times I had my phone in my hand and my airpods in… but I will say I have tried to not listen to anything on my walk to work in the morning and I’ve noticed I feel a lot calmer. You also hear insane gossip about people that have nothing to do with you (which is the best kind). Just this morning on my 5 minute walk to a workout class at 8 am I heard:

• A toddler having a meltdown and a mom patiently telling her, “things are never as bad as they are in your head” and I smiled at the toddler and thought to myself, “girllllll good luck”

• A girl tell her boyfriend, “if you leave me to watch the game again this weekend we’re breaking up I swear to god” 

• My super waving at me from across the street saying, “good morning sweetie” (in a non-creepy way)

• Two boys coming back from Equinox most likely saying “she’s like, bad for sure but not in an obvious way… you know?” (I literally don’t)

Angelina: Someone commented on my more recent strangers essay saying, “I need to know your thoughts on people who wear headphones all the time... I assume you're not one of them?” This is correct—I am not. 

First of all, when Airpods originally came out, I was so against them, and it took me a while to buy a pair. I think they make all of us look like aliens. I genuinely think they are so ridiculous looking. I have not gotten used to the look of Airpods, but that’s not my main point. I think Airpods have become a catalyst for shutting humans out to each other even more so than our iPhones already were. Don’t get me wrong—I love music, and it is a huge part of my life. When I’m in my apartment, there is always music coming out of my living room speakers (and I have the disgruntled texts from my neighbor to prove it). When I’m walking outside, however, I try to make it a point to take in my surroundings and the energy of those around me. This is probably why I have so many notable interactions with strangers, because I’m a very approachable person. Emily and I joked earlier this week that I need to become less approachable…

Now on the phone piece (sorry I have a lot of thoughts on this), I’ve also been making an effort to walk with my phone tucked away in whichever bag I’m carrying. If I know where I’m going, there is absolutely no need to pull my phone out. If I have to wait for a friend somewhere, there’s no need to go on my phone—that’s what the book in my bag is for. Always carry literature! (If you haven’t yet read our Modern-Day Etiquette Guide, now is your chance.)l

Emily: Also, if you wear your airpods when ordering coffee/checking out… respectfully, get it together and have a conversation with people in real life. 

showing face/being somewhere for 30 mins/going out without getting “ready” 

Emily: This is one of the biggest soapboxes I stand on, I think a lot of people end up not going to events/parties/gatherings because it seems like a production between putting on makeup, an outfit, commuting, and staying somewhere for 2+ hours. THIS IS ALL FAKE! You could literally show up somewhere in a t-shirt and no one would even notice, I love having a few conversations and leaving early which keeps my social battery charged and my sleep schedule somewhat in-tact. No one is thinking about you!! Unless it is like your best friend’s birthday party you do not need to be somewhere for longer than you want, quality over quantity!  

Angelina: Completely, completely, completely agree. I was recently invited to a birthday party on a Tuesday for someone I love whom I hadn’t seen in a while. I wanted to show up for her, but I was also very aware that 10pm on a Tuesday is not ideal for a corporate girl like me, so I ended up going to the party for ~30 minutes, and it was perfect. I dressed in a baggy t-shirt with a vintage petticoat underneath, gave the birthday girl her birthday card, sipped on a water, and walked home before the space got too crowded, making it into bed by 11:30. It meant a lot to the birthday girl that I was there to see her and that I brought her a handwritten card, and I was happy I took the time to do so. I love showing face.

 setting people up 

Emily: So, in our last ins and outs we said that dating apps are out (which they still are) but upon retrospect that feels a bit negative because we didn’t offer up any tangible solutions… the solution is to set your friends up. If you think that someone may be a good fit with someone, set them up!!!!!! You could give a speech and their wedding and have good karma for life (I’m sure that’s how that works). I LOVE LOVE! 

Angelina: I love a set-up. I met a really sweet guy on a train from Connecticut to New York recently, whom I’d love to set up with one of my friends. He subscribed to my Substack, but I don’t have his number or anything. Chris, if you’re reading this, please message me on Instagram. :) Also, Chris, if you’re reading this, I haven’t rewatched Shrek 2 yet, but it’s on my list.

Emily: CHRIS ❤️❤️❤️❤️

 intergenerational friendships  

Emily: My first job in high school was being a shampoo girl at a hair salon, I took this job because I did not want to play sports and my parents thought that I should “do something”, my grandmother and mom were really close with the woman who owned the hair salon they went to and swindled a job for me (I guess I’m a shampoo girl nepo baby). It was one of the best jobs I’ve ever had because I made so many intergenerational friendships, I had my regular clients who would be 80+ year old women who came in once a week just to get their hair washed, I had moms who had children my age, I had middle aged men going through divorces amidst mid-life crises…It was the BEST! They all knew when I was having a good day or a bad day, they gave me flowers when I committed to college and we all shed tears when I left. I feel like these relationships informed a lot of why I am the way I am. I have been told I am very mature and independent which I think has a lot to do with how I learned from people at all stages of life during high school which is one of the most malleable periods.

Angelina: I would be nothing without my 43-year-old friend that I met on Twitter and only talk about music with. I would be nothing without my 96-year-old grandmother who recently passed away but was genuinely one of my best friends. I would be nothing without my 5-year-old friend Nina in the West Village who lets me read Angelina Ballerina to her because it’s both of our favorite books. I would be nothing without the 50-something-year-old guys at SoHo Apothecary who talk about the Steelers with me every time I walk by on Thompson Street. I would be nothing without Izzy, Sam, and Lucas. (hahaha)

Emily: One more thing- age is a fake construct. I feel like some people are weird about being friends with people older/younger than them but that really shouldn’t matter and it’s pretty boring and limiting to box yourself into those parameters

having a business card 

Angelina: When I went on a work trip to Portland a few weeks ago, I met so many vendors who asked me for my card, and I DIDN’T HAVE ONE. For someone who is obsessed with stationery and etiquette and being Old School, this was EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING TO ME. I literally had a business card in high school for no reason (lmao)—I should definitely have one now. I’m going to order business cards this fall. I’m doing business.

Emily:  Loving this idea… Think of all the design possibilities… 

asking to taste ice cream flavors  

Emily: I am a creature of habit, which is also something I am trying to work on. By being a creature of habit that means I usually get the same ice cream flavor (probably something coffee/espresso… Maybe peanut butter if I’m being crazy) and I usually get nervous asking to try ice cream flavors because in New York there is pretty much always a line for anything these days. I got ice cream over the summer and asked to try a jersey blueberry flavor and I still think about it at least once a week- TLDR: try something new and don’t feel bad about it.

Angelina: The difference between Salt & Straw and Morgenstern’s is that when you ask for a sample at Salt & Straw, they let you try as many as you want and recommend additional flavors you might like and offer to pay your rent for a month and pick up your dry-cleaning, whereas at Morgenstern's, they give you a restraining order if you ask to try a sample. I’m so happy Salt & Straw is finally open in New York.

Emily: I need to go to Salt & Straw so badly oh my goddddddddddd

dining alone 

Angelina: Well, this is the basis for Lunch on Friday, so you already know my thoughts. I will add, however, that I think there’s something very low-stakes about dining alone, to tie this into our fall ins and outs. It’s a very reflective experience. I cannot recommend it enough (but again, you knew this).

Emily: I am definitely not as good as Angelina, but whenever I travel by myself I love dining alone. Someone we know moved here from Shanghai and even though she's been here for 2+ years she still treats living here like she’s traveling (in a non-touristy/annoying way). Last friday afternoon she was just enjoying a slice of cake and a glass of wine at Casetta in the Lower East Side by herself and I thought to myself, “why can’t that be me… “ Again, this is probably a symptom of me being a routine oriented person which is Out for Fall- rituals are In, routine is Out. 

OUT

giving a reason for why you can't make it (overheard while getting coffee: “just tell em you aren’t coming i don’t need a paragraph”)  

Emily: I am a People Pleaser and I Love My Friends, because of this I feel really bad saying no and if I do have to say no I’ll give an insanely lengthy reason why and am hyperbolic as to emphasize the deep regret. Just saying, “thank you so much!!!! I can’t make it that night but really appreciate the invite” is more effective and feels much cooler for some reason. 

Angelina: Emily and I have gotten very good at protecting our Friday nights. I typically stay in on Friday nights because I’m exhausted from the work week and my weeknight social activities, and I want to be well-rested for my 9:15 AM Pilates class on Saturday morning and whatever plans I have that night. Part of this requires saying no to certain plans, and let me put this clearly: it is completely okay to say no to plans and invites. Good friends understand this. Learn to embrace JOMO (the joy of missing out). It's amazing…

BEING MAD AT PEOPLE FOR BEING OVERDRESSED

Emily: Not to brag, but I was awarded the “Best Dressed” superlative in both middle school and high school, I say this to say, I probably heard “why are you so dressed up??????” at least once a day. Don’t be weird and say this. Maybe you should dress better? 

Angelina: Emily added this one, and I’m so happy she did because it is the story of my life. On dress-down days in middle and high school, all the girls would wear yoga pants except for me. I wouldn’t wear anything crazy, but I would wear actual clothing and not athletic attire. I was always getting the, “Why are you so dressed up?” comment and it used to bother me so much as a kid because I couldn’t understand how they thought my outfit was considered overdressed. I also couldn’t understand why they cared so much. I’ve always dressed how I wanted without worrying about what others are wearing, and it’s one of my favorite things about myself. I hardly ever send the “what are you wearing” text because it doesn’t matter what anyone else is wearing. I’m going to dress how I want!!!!! (Ineloquent side note: I have a tweet in my drafts that says, “i never worry about whether i’m underdressed or overdressed because i have interminable swag”)

  letting others decide your value  

Angelina: All press is good press. It’s just noise, baby.

Emily: Been thinking a lot about this lately, the more I am perceived the more I find myself equating my value to whatever made up perception I have deemed other people have of me. I am aware this is a waste of time and none of it matters, the more I tailor myself to the perception of others the more watered down/boring/people pleasey I become. OUT!

stressing about being late to something that doesn’t matter  

Emily: I really really really hate being late. I like to think of myself as a fairly on time person (if we are friends and you disagree with this let me know), but I tend to get extremely anxious if I’m late to things that literally do not matter. If I am just going over to a friend’s house and I am 10 minutes late I start to panic- life is too short to stress about being slightly late!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s fine! (Obviously for things that have a hard start time like dinner reservations or movies you should try to be on time.)

Angelina: No need to stress because everything in life happens the way it’s supposed to etc etc etc

being hungover ever again  

Emily: I’m the one that added this because the week leading up to Angelina’s birthday party I said to someone, “I really don’t drink that much… idk I think those days are just behind me. I can't imagine being super hungover” and thus proceeded to summon the worst hangover of my life post-party. Never again (and I mean it!). I did drink all of the below at her party which might have had something to do with it 

• 2 glasses of natural wine 

• a celsius + vodka (you can see this is where things start to take a turn) 

• 2 coors lights (maybe 3, unsure) 

• a gin martini 

• a whiskey shot 

• ??????

Angelina: Probably the most annoying thing about me is that I never get hungover, so I don’t really have anything to add here. Emily drinking the vodka + celsius at my birthday party is a new core memory for both of us, though. I watched her pour that into one of the black Solo cups on my kitchen counter and I was like ???????

waiting to venmo request your friends and forgetting about it 

Emily: I don’t know why I am so bad at this. I tend to let little admin tasks like these pile up until I forget or am forced to do something about it… which is an absolutely horrible quality. I think I’m going to start setting reminders for the next day- if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please hold me accountable.. 

Angelina: I’m very good at managing the Venmo situation if I’m the one who put my card down, but I have a mental sh*t list of friends who are not. No one wants to receive a charge for the $70-per-person dinner from 3 months ago that everyone’s forgotten about. Stay on top of your finances.

Emily: I can attest that Angelina is great at this. Always timely and I appreciate that as a friend and someone who is not on top of my finances.

apologizing for your work

Angelina: Chuckling to myself in the coffee shop because this is the last item on the list that we both have yet to fill out as I type this. Emily and I are very nice girls. We really are. We care about others and want people to be happy. In her last Substack post, Emily added a note at the end that she was sorry it wasn’t as long as her usual posts and sorry that there might be a few typos and this and that. I texted her and said that we need to stop apologizing at the end of our essays. I do it too, but I’m not going to do it anymore. We are so grateful for all of you who read our work, and I feel confident that many of you are stickin’ with us. LOVE YOU GUYS !!!!!

Emily: Hahahahaha - I am s*rry I do this. I think for me, the line between being self aware and unnecessarily self deprecating is sooooooooooo thin. I do value being self aware, but I am also extremely hard on myself in all aspects of my life which I don’t even realize at times so I am a bit of an unreliable narrator when it comes to my work. I am going to stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You all get me by now, no need to apologize.. The stakes are lowwwwwwwww.

Angelina: Are you serious did you really just apologize again

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Much to come in the Cake for Lunch multiverse, stay tuned <3 We love you!

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