we should bring back dance floor make outs

because dating feels wayyyyyyy too serious lately

i had my first kiss in a rubbery gymnasium as a dj was blaring “u smile” by justin bieber. i was 11 years old wearing brand new abercrombie denim shorts i convinced my mom were not too short (they were) and a hollister lace camisole i promised i would only wear underneath t-shirts (i never did). afterwards, my friends and i piled into a minivan and drove home spilling over with giddiness and minty listerine breath.

i never got his name (hope he’s well!) but i like to think that that experience sparked my appreciation for dance floor make outs. after that night, the lives of my friends and i were weaved together through DFMs in suburban house party basements to sweaty concert pits to sticky frat parties (regrettably), finally ending at college bars which was always routinely followed by fits of laughter over stale tortilla chips in someone’s messy kitchen.

now that our pre-frontal cortices have connected, dance floor make outs (for the most part) have disappeared. instead what happens is that a stranger will approach you at a bar and probably ask for your number and you will spend the next week painfully replying to “how was your day?” texts without making any real plan OR you will kiss in an a sad apartment without any books or frames hung on a wall that feels way more serious and scarier than what you initially intended. i’ve had a theory that culture lately has been more cautious and reserved which is derived from the fact that we live simultaneously online and offline. how can we be in the moment when there is a dormant thought in the back of our mind of how we are being perceived by thousands of friends and friends of friends and friends of friends of friends? how can we go into a first date without analyzing every single comma and linguistic tone of a silly little blue bubble? there is a stinging hum of interconnectedness we all feel to each other which is both beautiful and constricting at the same time.

the general attitude around being single in new york lately has been that it is a tortuous purgatory crawling with losers. this makes me sad because i love being single. i love being able to wake up on a weekend morning and do whatever i want without taking into account another person, i love flirting with a stranger i’ll never see again, i love the expansive time i have which inherently allows me to say yes to more new experiences, i love the friendships i built being single, i love the time i’ve spent alone, i love the things i have learned about myself through bad dates.

that being said… why do things feel so unfun and uncool lately?

the amount of dating app and text conversations from unsaved numbers i’ve analyzed for friends should qualify me to have a PHD in new york singles anthropology (and don’t get me wrong… i love reading these conversations). what i’ve noticed when i tell people to just “go on the date!” phrases from tik tok are brought in such as “if he wanted to he would”, “getting the ick”, and general red-flag culture have seeped from our screens into our vernacular and has had a tangible impact on who and how we date. while i do think it is vital to analyze behavioral patterns and how someone makes you feel once you have spent an ample amount of real time with them, i think do we are too quick to judge right off the bat from nothing other than digital interactions. you can never truly know someone by the way they text or their instagram presence !!!!!!!! while the intention of not wasting time on a bad first date is completely reasonable, we instead often waste more time creating red flags that might not actually exist OR we get our hopes up too high and invest a disproportional amount of attention on a connection that will only ever exist in the florescent light of your phone. no tik tok dating-fluencer can ever know you better than you know yourself. !!!

i’ve also noticed a lack of ambition when it comes to dating which i think can be attributed to a heightened sense of limerence that stems from proliferated access to other potential partners. people don’t shoot their shot (for lack of a better phrase) because they already have a fake relationship in their head constructed through small slivers of carefully curated profiles… they have a thigh tattoo, like to go to the beach, have a niche trucker hat and is consistently the first person to view my story…. it HAS to work out, right? there is always the chance that a new message could be waiting in your dms or that one person could randomly pop back into your texts after months of silence.

we are not meant to avoid suffering, rejection and heartbreak. but we’re also not meant to be devoid of in-person connection, spontaneity and the juvenile energy of a new crush. our phones have slowly enabled us to put up cushy padded walls up under the guise of self-help and betterment when in reality what we should be prioritizing is learning more about ourselves through soaking up experiences that span from uncomfortable to euphorically buoyant, and none of that will happen if we do not live a life offline.

to end my yapping, BE PRESENT! DATE OUTSIDE YOUR PHONE! GET REJECTED! ASK SOMEONE OUT IN REAL LIFE! MAKE OUT ON A DANCE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! nothing is really ever that serious. your “endless options” are actually just right in front of you.

(as a bonus little treat, these are things i would wear during a DFM other than a abercrombie denim shorts and a hollister lace camisole)

• this top from paloma wool (LONG LIVE THE GOING OUT TOP)

  

• this skirt from sandy liang

  

• these celine pumps from the real real

  

• or these armni satin pumps from chickees vintage

  

• this $50 prada skirt ………. (someone buy this i beg

  

• these levis 501s

  

• this little satin cami from depop

  

• & this coach bag

  

  XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

  

  

  

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

happy easter if you celebrate! and let me know if you liked this, it is a bit different than anything i’ve ever written but i had a lot of fun…. thank you for reading <3