the power of dressing "badly"

as exemplified by taylor swift

a few weeks ago someone in an instagram dm group chat i am in sent a paparazzi image of taylor swift in a mustard yellow corseted velvet mini dress paired with open toe versace mules. the friend who sent it messaged “whyyyyyy!!!!” underneath the image, someone else replied “i genuinely do not understand why she does not dress better”. the outfit in question really was not that bad, and to be clear, these girls are huge taylor swift fans and seemingly just want the best for her. my initial reaction to seeing the clothing taylor tends to be photographed in is always surprise, it feels so drastically different from what every other it-girl is dressed in. thoughts along the lines of, “why isn’t she wearing sandy liang????”, “she would look sooooooo good in chloe fw24!!!!!”, “imagine if she wore thom browne…” swirl around in my head.

okay so now this is the part of this essay where i admit that i am not a swiftie, i have absolutely nothing against her i just never got into her music but respect and honor any and all swifties.

i know that i am not alone in my reaction to taylor’s clothing, there is an entire instagram account dedicated to showing all of the “better” outfits taylor could be wearing, exemplifying what could be despite the fact that that is simply not her. if i dig a little deeper into why i am so irked by taylor’s style, it comes down to the fact that our perception of “good” and “bad” clothing is purely dictated by a cold capitalistic trend cycle designed for us to constantly crave newness. it baffles me that i feel so parasocially entitled to what taylor “should” wear as if i understand her inner desires- I DON’T KNOW HER!!!!!!! as someone who claims to believe in the malleability of personal taste, it didn’t even cross my mind that…. maybe she just enjoys wearing her corset tops and thigh-high boots??? god forbid??? how many celebrities do we perceive to have a “good” and identifiable personal style are actually just reflections of a stylist acutely tuned-in to the zeitgeist?

a lot of what taylor wears today feels exactly like what she would have worn 10 years ago, the girl still loves a sequin, a red lip, a mini skirt, and a plaid print. she has never really been on-trend in a traditional sense; instead, she’s identified the silhouettes, colors and prints she likes and has held onto them with an iron grip. this should be resoundingly celebrated and admired, but instead it is subjected to people (me) on the internet wishing she wore it-items they could buy zara knock-offs of. personal taste is only celebrated when it looks the same as someone else's.

the relationship between celebrities and the masses has always tethered together by a parasocial string that has only strengthened with the proliferation of access into their private lives. now we’ve become even more desensitized to it because at a micro level we form parasocial relationships with our own “friends” and potential romantic partners. the other day i was grabbing a coffee in the west village and a younger girl i tangentially knew in college popped up out of nowhere. i forgot her name at first, we exchanged pleasantries for a while and i enjoyed the subtle familiarity of her presence, as i was about to grab my iced latte from the barista she exclaimed, “i know this is weird to say… but i follow everything you do! i read everything you write… it seems like your life is perfect… you’re like a celebrity to me!” i stood there and wanted to crawl out of my skin, feeling so deeply uncomfortable but also ashamed i positioned myself to be perceived in this way and guilty for not feeling flattered. this girl has no idea what makes me laugh or that my favorite snack is twizzlers and diet coke or how i buy print magazines when i’m hungover to make me feel better, yet she forms opinions and shiny judgements of me like she is a friend.

i have similar twinged feelings as it pertains to modern dating, forming a relationship via a dating app or twitter or instagram will inherently create stylized narratives in a partner’s head that simply do not exist. this is not all bad, in a way the opportunity to present yourself as the funniest, prettiest, smartest version of yourself which only exists 1% of the time yet lives on eternally could be an instigator to a real relationship i imagine. i tend to think of this version of me that lives online as a hologram of myself, she statically hums all day long looking perfect but effortless, clever but not too divisive, carefree but still motivated, online but definitely not too online.

i guess in my mind taylor swift dressing the way she does is rejecting the notion of self-perception through a culturally relevant lens, this is wrong of course because she has been proven to be an extremely strategic person, but it soothes me nonetheless to pretend that there are people who live without their hologram buzzing in the distance waiting for the next person to reach through the light and try to grasp onto something that’s not there.

i wrote this in a cafe and halfway through the baristas magically put on an exclusively taylor swift playlist which feels beautifully kismet <3

i’m typically someone who does not pay attention to numbers and metrics, especially when it comes to substack. this time last year when i wrote down my new years resolutions i scribbled “hit 10,000 angel cake subscribers” and rolled my eyes at how inconceivable that was, i was pretty much writing into the void at that point. i hit 10k this week and while i initially felt embarrassed to express care over something as arbitrary as a number, what i really am is so deeply grateful that you read angel cake, writing this is the highlight of my week and your comments and discussions makes me insanely happy. i can’t express how much you all mean to me, thank you thank you thank you.

xoxoxoxoxo