what makes a person interesting?
as discussed by me, my friends, and the employees of the west village salt & straw
as someone who meets a lot of new people given my inclination to attend the opening of any envelope and as someone who dates quite a bit, i think a lot about what exactly makes a person interesting to me. this is obviously a very personal and malleable question, “interesting” is merely deemed by the sole recipient of a specific interaction. however, i do worry that it has become easier to appear interesting than it is to actually be interesting given our easy access to tools that are supposed feed our idiosyncrasies, washing away the work it takes to actually develop a unique opinion. i find that people often mistake “coolness” for “interest” as if their Prada Collapse sneakers were a packet of splenda they pour in their coffee in disguise of sugar. (obviously, i want a pair).
my initial thought when i was reflecting on the question of what i find makes a person interesting to me is curiosity, it immediately endears me to a person and is the #1 quality i look for in friends and people i date. in my eyes, all other mannerisms spin off from curiosity… the questions you ask, the books you choose to read, the food you eat, the restaurants you frequent, the music you listen to, the clothes you wear etc. to be curious is naturally to have a taste that is refined to your own inclinations, which is a rare quality to come across in this algorithmic day and age. i think i hold curiosity to such a high standard in my relationships because it wipes away intellectual superiority, i know a lot of uncurious people who will watch every Oscar nominated film from the past year but will lack any type of bespoke perspective as if they swallowed their food without chewing. on the contrary, a lot of curious people i know can recap an episode of Love Island as if it were an epic novella. to be curious is to never be bored, which is another value of mine that i didn’t even realize i had until writing this. how cool is that?
i decided to spend my saturday asking some brilliant people in my life what they find interesting in another person. answers were either received from a party that i was at on saturday night, via text, or from the Salt & Straw in the west village.
WHAT MAKES SOMEONE INTERESTING TO YOU?
“doing things without needing or wanting validation from other people makes someone interesting. cultural traditions make someone interesting. having the ability to talk to a stranger and pick up on any type of topic / conversation makes someone interesting—it's one thing to know a lot about one thing, but it's everything to know a little about a lot of things” - angelina (age, 28)
“that’s too esoteric of a question”- JC (age, 27)
“I look for a certain level of intelligence and humor, I mean not an Einstein or a comedian or anything but something. Then to me they are interesting if they are open and willing to go deep, not just superficial. Relationships, life choices, conundrums, the like, but with a light touch. And then of course if they have had unusual life experiences or have made unusual choices and are willing to discuss, I find them interesting.” - my aunt cathy [REDACTED AGE] (she sent me her quotes in caps like a normal person and i like to keep the integrity of the written word)
“i think it is less about what someone is interested in and more about the why someone is interested in something. if it feels genuine, that person will inherently be interesting to me”- jason (age, 27)
“when i can tell someone truly loves their life, i find that to be interesting”- alison (age, 30)
“the way i decide if someone is interesting to me is whether or not they season their food before trying it. my dad used to take clients out to lunch and would always pay attention to whether they salt their food or add hot sauce before trying it, it says a lot about a person! if they are too quick to season, they will often jump the gun on something else.”- brooklyn, the lovely manager of the west village Salt & Straw who so graciously gave me a free ice cream cone because she liked my question (age, UNKNOWN) it felt weird and ageist to ask the salt & straw employees their age for some reason.
“i think that someone’s morals and ethics are what make them interesting to me… if i don’t agree with their morals, i am not going to find them interesting” - mait, the barista at the coffee shop i am writing this from, (age, 20) see now this was ~interesting~ to me because i very much enjoy talking to people who have different morals/values that mine!
my friend sam sent me a diagram to illustrate his perspective:
every answer i received is slightly different, but they all tinge upon the usual suspects of individuality, passion, conversation skills, humility, enthusiasm, etc. i thought a lot about sam’s point on, “it is up to you to find someone interesting. only you can decide if someone is interesting and everyone can be.” i think this is why i still enjoy a bland conversation at a party or a bad first date, no matter what i will always be having a good time because i think every conversation has value to be discovered for those curious enough. to put responsibility off of other people and onto ourselves to make an interaction feel substantial feels a bit daunting but optimistically shiny at the same time.
my biggest fear is that i am not an interesting person, there have been periods of my life where i have become bland like during my Hot College Bimbo Phase or whenever i have a Big Crush and suddenly become lobotomized into something cold and dull (i am working on this because how lame is that?). if i successfully dissipate all my insecurities, realizing that i have pure, honest, fun by myself gives me the comfort of my own intellectual attraction. to understand what you find interesting in another person is to better understand yourself and to live an interesting life is to view everything as an opportunity for intrigue, no matter the subject.
thank you for reading! hopefully this is ~interesting~ to you. i love asking people in my life/strangers their perspectives on different topics, so if you did enjoy this please! let me know.
also, i keep feeling tempted to write about how “Gen Z Doesn’t Have Sex” because 1. i simply do not think it is true (sorry!) 2. i find a lot of the rhetoric around it to be strange.. if gen z actually is not having sex, nobody seems *actually* concerned about it which is strange! and sad! if i can muster enough energy that hasn’t been fried off from the sun i’ll do write about it, otherwise the people in my life will probably just be subjected to my half-baked rambles.
also, i saw Sorry, Baby over the weekend and i LOVED IT! you should all go out to the movies and see it! i think it is the most important movie of the year, it deeply moved me!
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!
xoxoxoxoxo
I think what makes someone interesting is being open to interesting. Some people are so reluctant to see new perspectives, and honestly, that’s true even for me when it comes to certain aspects of life. Not being able to visualize something beyond the constraints of your mind gradually boxes you in, to the point where you can’t connect to others. Gosh, I’m totally talking about myself here.
This year, I’m trying, as an exercise, to be more open-minded about different ways of being. As of now, still working on it. I will say that reading more books, especially memoirs, has helped. There are so many layers to what it takes to just be, and it’s beautiful but also scary (for reasons I can’t even name).
Another banger, Emily! See ya next time 💋
Your substack is such a safe space, and so full of inspiration, you should be so proud of yourself girl