our year of mess

an ode to this weird, beautifully disheveled year

blame it on the prefrontal cortex development that magically actualizes the second the clock strikes midnight on the eve of your 25th birthday, but this year i have finally succumbed to the fact that i am an exceptionally earnest and nostalgic person. these qualities paired in equal part with the temporal coincidence of my birthday falling on the end of december mix together to form a frothy cocktail of self-reflection on the past year. i usually analyze a year through a few lenses: how i dressed, what i enjoyed, what i spent time thinking about and what am i most proud of.  

a thread i noticed across all of these small benchmarks that somehow stack upon one another to form this strange life i inhabit is a note of messiness. i do not mean messy in a text-your-ex-that-you-are-thinking-of-him-at-2:31-am-type-of-way but more as a relinquishing to the imperfections that come from being a person trying vehemently to construct a life you are proud to exist in. ie: not stressing about typos, eliminating the twinge embarrassment of being rejected when asking a cute boy out, accepting the wrinkles in your clothes and the crease in your hair, trusting that you will actually get around to hanging those shelves in your bedroom (even if it is a few months later than intended..)- to me these are all forms of my own messiness that deviate from that idyllic version in my head of a starkly pressed existence, but ultimately leave me with the space to actually grow into the person i always wanted to embody. 

i think my embrace of messiness is also a reason why i fell even deeper in love with new york over the past year. what is so severally beautiful to me is the vulnerability that vibrates throughout the city; emotions spanning from the visible joy of two friends embracing in the middle of the sidewalk on the corner of 10th and A to a silent cry on the L train stick in the air congealing everyone together with an unspoken bond of humanity.

i have also noticed a subtle messiness in how we dressed in 2023 through the permeation of quiet luxury in our wardrobes; monochrome palettes, minimal designs and oversized simplicity cause us to yearn for something to add as an near indistinguishable glimmer of personality whether that’s through a subtle improper half tuck of a v neck sweater into a waistband or a few hairs misplaced from a low bun. the (arguably) it-girl brand of the moment, miu miu, was a champion of messiness in their fw23 and ss24 shows; rumpled cardigans, frizzy hair and handbags over spilling with souvenirs of a day fully lived offered a realistic embodiment of a frazzled interior wrapped a aspirational package. 

another token of messiness has been the echoing return to “girlhood” as exemplified through sold out runs of sofia coppola’s archival book (someone who has always sought to represent the complexity of girlhood but only recently had a resounding revival monoculturally), sandy liang reaching cult-brand status through the popularization of motifs such as ballet slippers, satin ruffles and school girl uniforms, and last but certainly not least, the ubiquitous “coquette-core” aesthetic which reached a viscous virality through adding bows to everything from beers to breakup texts. let’s also not forget to mention simple the implementation of “girl” in common vernacular (ie: “girl dinner”/“girl math”/“i’m just a girl). these efforts to reclaim elements of childlike innocence could be an adverse reaction from the media we consumed in adolescence which hammered into our heads that we needed to be the smartest, chicest, coldest woman in a room. the ability to transform that icy essence into an approachable whimsicality by way of a ballet flat and silly little bow is the perfect expression of reclaiming the primal messiness inherent in all of us found through moments of girlish play that are somehow stamped out us.

my biggest takeaway from 2023 and any sliver of advice i can give is to do the things you always wanted to do even if it’s messy. there is beauty and meaning to be found in poor grammar, sparsely attended parties, wrinkled clothing from a lived experience, slightly burnt cookies, rambling podcast episodes, an untuned guitar riff and a really great pair of pants that are just a touch too long. to be human is to be messy and it’s pretty uncool to pretend otherwise.

 oh and also nothing is that serious. i promise. things can just be fun. 

! happy new year ! enjoy some excerpts from my 2023 saved photos <3

also! if you scrolled down this far i love you! please tell me what you want to read more of in 2024!!!!! ie:

• personal essays

• personal style musings

• fashion trends

• styling inspiration (with links)

• shopping round ups/ vintage finds

• archival fashion deep dives (ex fashion from a certain movie/person/time period)

• art/culture

• new york centric content

i adore and appreciate you xoxoxoxo