my bad shopping advice

capsule wardrobes are overrated

lately whenever i unlock my phone i feel inundated by unsolicited shopping ordinances from those both qualified and unqualified to dole out such advice. my issue with these “rules” is that more often then not they are presented with such a conviction that it feels absolute without any wiggle room in the margins for an exception. i understand why creators and publications adopt this rhetorical tone, it yields authority from the creator to the audience which is often the first spark of a parasocial relationship. i, however, have been working on my "black-or-white-thinking”, as deemed by the therapist, which a mindset that things are All Good or All Bad. my brain loves thinking this way, it makes everything so digestible! This is Good. or This is Bad. what an easily comprehensive way to live life! a huge bummer for me is that virtually nothing in this world is black or white; however, we get to exist in this colorful world we knit together- sometimes a situation flashes dramatically in red or settles a cool soothing blue or sparkles in pale pink. life has so much more texture than “good” or “bad” and i am trying to be more conscious of passively consuming rigid ideals without giving my brain the space to challenge them critically and assign my own colors, which is where my discomfort with all of this fashion advice comes in.

the other day i watched a tik tok from an (unnamed) trend-fluencer declare that we should only be buying things in 3 colors and anything else is excessive and not true to your personal style. WHAT? this may work for some (i adore the green lady of brooklyn and will always be charmed by anyone who chooses to exclusively wear all black) however, i do not think this can be a rule for EVERYONE. i reflected on my own shopping habits that have been deemed as “bad” and realized that in retrospect i am thankful i bought all of those ill-advised purchases.

this my bad shopping advice :)

1. capsule wardrobes are unrealistic- ok this might be a controversial one, and i also want to preface this by saying if anyone reading this actually HAS a capsule wardrobe please reach out to be because i am fascinated. to me this is different than having a “uniform”, a uniform is more of a formula that one frequently follows when they get dressed, for example when i run errands in the summer i tend to wear a big t-shirt + pleated mini skirt + sneaker or ballet flat of some sort. this is not a capsule because i have multiple t-shirts i rotate through and multiple different ankle socks depending on my mood. a habit of shopping that is rarely discussed (i think because it makes us face our capitalistic indulgence head on) is our craving for newness, that same hedonic treadmill that causes us to eventually become bored with a dream job or apartment we’ve always wanted. i have reached a point of honesty with myself where i know that if i actually saved up enough to buy a black turtleneck sweater from the row i would be overjoyed at first, then slowly descent into a steady acceptance of the item and eventually that initial craving for something new would come back.

2. you do not have to have an specific event in mind for every piece of clothing you buy - a classic piece shopping is if you find a piece that you are considering buying you should have a concrete event / occasion to wear that item. i disagree with this!!!!! the prime example i have is a white lace slip dress with rainbow sequins from free people i bought in middle school. at the time, i had absolutely no business ever wearing a sequin slip dress, but something in my gut was instinctively drawn to it, not because it was a trend or people at school were wearing it but because i simply just liked it. this dress hung in my closet untouched for years, but i could never bear the idea of getting rid of it. i eventually wore it to my college graduation 10+ years later, it felt like the perfect ode to my middles school self who subconsciously knew at 22 years old i would still love this dress.

   

3. you can buy clothing for a “future self”- a huge caveat to this is that i do not think anyone should buy clothing in a different size in hope that one day you will fit into it. that is lame! i do however think depending on where you are in your life it is not bad to buy something for when you will inevitably have a more serious job or for a hypothetical first date. i still can vividly remember when i was in switzerland while studying abroad in college and found a perfect vintage fur hat that i LOVED. i stopped myself from buying it because i could not fathom wearing it in my homogeneous college town, however, i wish more than anything i had that hat to fabulously run around the east village in. in a similar instance i also remember finding an incredible burberry trench coat at brick lane in london, as i was about to checkout and drain the weekly budget i set for myself my friend stopped me and said “when would you really wear that? at school we only wear puffers anyway” i sighed and succumbed to financial responsibility. i now frequently scour ebay to find another perfect burberry trench and kick my 20 year old self for being meek!

4. your clothes do not have to be flattering !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- i’ve debated writing an entire essay dedicated to this (and i still might!) because i think this is such an important topic that i myself still grapple with myself. there is nothing that breaks my heart more than i am with a friend and they decide they do not like a piece of clothing because it is not “flattering”. i’ve found in our current zeitgeist we have deemed it unacceptable to say that you like something because it makes you look “skinny” and instead have instead given it a linguistic makeover under the guise of something being “flattering”. the fear of something making you feel larger than you feel both a metaphorical and physical sense holds so many people back from finding their true personal style. the notion that the main goal of dressing should be to spark a desirable reaction from a specific group inherently restricts creativity and is what leads us to fall back into a culture where everyone at a bar is wearing the exact same outfit. you should wear clothes for the love of them, not because of how small they make you look. that being said, if you feel empowered to wear a micro mini or a crop top GO FOR IT, but make sure it is for the love of the item, not for the reflection of yourself in someone’s eyes.

5. its ok to buy things with the intention of tailoring them later - there have been so many times where i have tried on pants that are the PERFECT length but are too wide at the hips/waist etc. i have a goal to start tailoring my clothes this year, and i still regret all of those Perfect Pants i let go just because of the fear i would not actually get them tailored. there will rarely be anything that fits you perfectly

6. you can view clothes as a physical token of a specific time, place or memory- most people that know me know that i am extremely sentimental, especially when it comes to my clothes. i will never get rid of my ratty syrcause university sweatshirt or the vintage sheer black floor length dress i wore on my 25th birthday because they are pieces that wordlessly tell the story of my life. i treasure the velvet leopard blazer i found in amsterdam in the back of a thrift store, the vintage satin coat i bought myself after my first promotion, the beat up oversized brown leather jacket i bought during one of my first weeks in new york- i can almost feel the optimism and brightness radiating off me from when i first held it. i would so much rather get dressed in clothing which hold my memories in the thread than something i bought from aritizia because it was $10 off. if an article of clothing holds a specific memory that you long to remember i urge you to keep it!!!!!!

i want to end this by saying i am a huge proponent of buying less and buying with more intention. i think we should all take time to sit with new trends and decide whether or not we believe they are worthy enough to have a coveted place in our personal archives. that being said, i do not think we need to live under strict guidelines especially when it comes to one of the most creatively fruitful part of life: getting dressed.

XOXOXO

would love to know if you have any “bad” pieces of shopping advice you follow?