movies to watch when you're sick of yourself

my cure for pretty much anything

i usually feel a guttural disgust for myself at least once a week, my words are dumb, my actions are immature, and my feelings utterly cowardly. i let myself briefly indulge in this mood because i value my self-awareness and the way it routinely depletes my ego. i believe we should all have a dash of imposter syndrome and a pinch of self-annoyance to bring us back to the place that is underneath our feet. now, that being said, feeling annoyed with yourself should last no more than an hour or two, otherwise it can easily slip into self-hatred where you conjure reasons why people would not want to be around you. when i reach this point there is one one thing left to do: watch (or go to) a movie.

i love movies, there is something so baptismal about entering and leaving a world you do not exist in. one of my favorite feelings in the world is leaving a theatre feeling slightly different than before. it is one of the only ways i can effectively get out of my head into someone else’s perspective. i have a handful of movies i will always come back to when i need submersive comforting like a pre-teen who has run away from home. my taste for most things has an expansive range, but at the end of the day i just want to feel something and have a good time. none of these films are obscure, which is intentional because when i am fallen ill to my likeness for some reason i only want to watch something universally familiar.

THE PARAMETERS

• these are all movies

  • i have seen at least three times

  • will most likely NOT leave you feeling depressed

  • successfully possess an evocative ability to build a world

MOVIES TO WATCH WHEN YOU ARE SICK OF YOURSELF

• the green ray (1986)- i included this because it is my favorite from éric rohmer, but any of his films can fall into this category (my goal for the summer is to finish them all). where this movie shines is really in its dialog, it is rambly and peculiar and existential which is kind of how i imagine i sound. every rohmer character inevitably falls prey to pits of self-inflicted despair, which is why it is perfect to watch when you are feeling Off. it also is in french which means to have to read subtitles which i personally prefer because it means you can’t be on your phone (can’t believe i had to type that).

• the virgin suicides (1999)- as someone who grew up in an idyllic suburb, i have never seen a piece of media that accurately distills the unsettling, distorting, insidious beauty of a treelined street quite like the virgin suicides. every time i watch i can smell fresh cut grass and teenage boy deodorant mixed with sweat. this will forever be my favorite sofia coppola film which i tend to return to a few times a year when i want to remember what it was like to be a middle school girl in an ill-fitting dress and flip flops running around a football field.

• past lives (2023)- now, this is kind of an insane choice (there always has to be one…) which is a bit of an outlier because unlike the others, past lives has a tendency to make you question your entire life and what could have been… realistically i just love the dialog in this movie and value the depiction of confusion especially when i feel like I Have No Idea What I Am Doing In Life. if you watch this during a bout of self-loathing and decide to text your ex, Angel Cake, LLC will not be held liable for any emotional damages but will take credit for a successful dramatic romantic reunion.

• moonrise kingdom (2012)- felt too obvious to put this in here but dishonest to leave it out.. as one can imagine, if you want to get out of your own head and into a different world, a wes anderson film is way to go (and no, i have not seen the phoenician scheme yet!!!!). i was 14 when i first watched this movie, i remember my eyes were as wide as saucers in disbelief that something so beautifully odd could exist within a screen in my family’s living room.

• romeo + juliet (1996)- i am a HUGE romeo and juliet head. i try to re-read the play at least once a year (i think i missed last year now that i think about it…). i find this adaption to be just simply awesome as someone who is extremely obsessed with the original script. i appreciate any movie that takes a risk and has fun, which is why i have a soft spot for baz luhrmann. watching romeo + juliet to me feels like floating in a pool, weightless and in complete surrender. i also have to give an honorable mention to the 1968 adaption starring olivia hussey which i also find to be perfect.

• the graduate (1967)- i love it, sorry! someone i was talking to recently said that the graduate could never be made today because it doesn’t feel transgressive enough, the dilemma of whether or not ben would sleep with mrs. robinson would feel extremely boring as our standards for morality have hedonistically melted. i am definitely not saying that is a bad thing, i just find it fascinating which pieces of art remain beloved through our evolving social codes of conduct.

• roman holiday (1953) - the first man i ever loved was probably gregory peck, the second was patrick swayze (which we’ll get to…). i have a notes-app list on my phone of great “city movies” that i find are a perfect representation of their respective cities (don’t tempt me to publish the list… because i will…) roman holiday is undeniably a feast for the eye and an ailment for your heart.

• lady and the tramp (1955)- yeah, you read that right. admittedly i am not a huge animated movie person (i really hope my future child will be a intellectually precocious toddler who shares my sentiment…) however, lady and the tramp is one of my favorites. i mean, a pampered cocker spaniel falls in love with a MUTT and they romantically share a bowl of SPAGHETTI before they save a BABY from the clutches of a RAT? a certified perfect tale…

• dirty dancing (1987)- 90% of my warm feelings towards dirty dancing is probably attributed to the fact that i find patrick swayze to be extremely hot (RIP). one of my favorite aspects of this movie is that it is unintentionally funny… it is supposed to be set in the 60s, yet everyone dresses and acts like they are in the 80s, to which i say, sure! the tone is slightly campy, the acting is pretty bad and overall it is deeply horny. nobody puts baby in a corner…

• the talented mr. ripley (1999)- THE ultimate summer film in my opinion (except for maybe call me by your name which i DID consider including and gets an honorable mention) i first read the ubiquitous novel by patricia highsmith for a college literature class while i was on spring break in italy so i am a bit nostalgically biased to the story. i always appreciate when the casting of a movie feels undeniably spot on, and this falls within the category for me. there is enough plot and drama to keep you engaged but the stakes somehow feel comfortably low. god it is so good.

thank you for reading !!!!!

this was probably a bit self-indulgent, i love talking about movies to anyone who will listen so hopefully you enjoyed !!!!

also, the beginning was a bit dramatic… i will always deeply enjoy being myself and think i’m great just as you should deeply enjoy being yourself and think you’re great!

i hope you have a gorgeous week !!!!!!!!!!

xoxoxoxo

my favorite movies which were intuitionally not included in the list but desire an honorable mention.

if you enjoyed this, i annoyingly update my letterboxd too frequently and my thoughts are usually even mored deranged on there.