i threw a party and all i got was a bathtub full of ice and a white claw box on fire

another argument for why house parties are the best

the second i signed the lease for my apartment i said, “i want to throw a party here.” the layout is funny, my bathtub is in my kitchen and it’s a single sink household… meaning i brush my teeth in the same sink i do my dishes. some may find this unlivable, but i find it endearing. what i lack in a proper bathroom i make up for in a larger kitchen area perfect for people to gather, but the main reason why i wanted to throw a party was because i wanted to fill my kitchen bathtub with ice.

my goal of the night wasn’t to kiss a boy or even make a new friend, i literally just wanted to have fun and not be stressed. the last party i threw was a birthday party and i remember being so preoccupied if everyone was Having Fun and what song was playing and if the room was filled enough and why did that boy not show up i Only Threw This Party 4 U. i’ve realized the experience of moving into my apartment this summer made me frustratingly tense, almost like a rigidity relapse. i wanted this event to mark that period of me being annoying to myself as over.

on the morning of, i had a notes app list of silly errands to do: buy pink cups at the village party store, buy a case of beer (did not need), buy vodka and prosecco and limes, pickup extra strength cleaner for the tub, purchase $50 aesop hand soap in an attempt to elevate my single sink, find a pink rubber ducky, get my nails done because i want to seem like the type of girl who has a decorated apartment and has her nails done. i went up and down my 6 flights of stairs 5+ times and spent way too much money on miscellaneous things but was still Having Fun. the entire day my various group chats have me stopping on the street to laugh out loud, “everyone is being sooooo funny today” i text. i roll up my pink carpet that i love because i love it and don’t want to be prescriptive about people’s shoes on it.

the biggest hurdle was securing 20 bags of ice and getting it up the stairs. angelina graciously offered to do an early run with me (have i mentioned she lives in my building yet?) we walk down the block to our cvs, i hear girls in mini skirts say to each other “this is a perfect night” and we agree. we walk into cvs and a college student stops to squawk like a pterodactyl (i also did not know the p in pterodactyl is silent) in angelina’s ear. we take a full minute to double over with laughter. again, everyone is being sooooo funny today. we grab 4 bags each (angelina also grabs halloween oreos, for obvious reasons) and check out, the best thing about the cvs near us is that it has a greeter who oversees the self check out, they’re always just kind of like hanging out and hilarious conversations usually ensue. the greeter du jour came over and asked… “why are you girls buying so much ice?” we explain the tub situation. he laughs and says “you’re craaaaazy for that” we tell him we have more friends coming to buy ice, “huge day for your ice sales” and wave bye and he says “i’ll be looking out for your little minions”, we leave and agree that we should have invited him to the party. missed opportunity.

we assemble the tub and rush to get ready and i make sure that all of the embarrassing markers of my existence are hidden like my tooth brush that sits by the sink you was the dishes in and my tony soprano bath robe and slippers and my razor and purple shampoo. the girls come over and we assemble the tub and take a step back to admire our masterpiece, we send pictures to our parents who are eagerly awaiting a tub reveal. our friend sam calls angelina and tells her to pass the phone to me, he explains in a nyquil daze that he’s sick and and can’t make it and we have an absurd conversation i can’t remember but i know it was funny because we were giggling in my bedroom. sydney and maya present me with a snoopy tumbler glass as a housewarming present, valerie brings me ceramic cherub salt and pepper shakers, angelina sourced me an antique ashtray from nantucket, ellen someone found the chicest spoon rest that looks like a tiffany bone cuff which i already know i’ll have forever, jason delivers two slices of vietnamese cake with detailed instructions on how to best serve. it could be the tequila shot i said i wasn’t going to take but did anyway because i’m not a bitch, but i am overcome with warmth that the people in my life know me so well through these small tangible gestures and almost start to cry (almost). angelina puts out the chocolate chip cookies she baked for the party because she can do everything, chloe and stella ask her for the recipe their eyes wide as they eat the perfect cookies. slowly more people trickle in and i try to say hi to everyone and make sure people that came alone have a buddy to talk to and sit back and let all off the different people in my life become friends which feels a little bit like That’s So Suite Life of Hannah Montana (if you’re too young to understand this reference.. google it i guess).

the tub starts to fill more and more (we always say byob but there is always way to much b at the end) and the third wave of people come, a group of boys visiting from ohio (someone’s +7 i said yes to because it’s fine and parties flow) walk in the kitchen and present me with a plant for my apartment, i jump up and down squealing like a little girl and keep it in the crook of my arm like a baby. on the portable golf speaker my dad gave me, i play a 200+ song playlist from an angelina party that everyone has contributed to which spans everything from fcukers to sabrina carpenter to drake to new order to mgmt. it is perfect always. i do another lap and apologize for how hot it is and point people to the various ac units i have but am somehow not stressed. i grab a book from my windowsill and give it to chloe because i know she’ll love it, my friend clay takes the plant from me and puts it under the crook of his arm like a baby and i tell him, “you’re soooo whimsical” (sneak peek at our fall ins and outs coming next week), a girl i don’t know comes up to me and asks, “can i vape in here?” i scream “YES, AND THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!”, touched by a stranger’s care for my space while another friend asks if he should ash his cigarette in the tub or on the ground (the answer is neither, it’s in one of the 3 ashtrays i have strategically placed around the apartment) at some point i turn to anne and say, “what’s that smell?” and it was a white claw box that was lit on fire from one of the tea candles, she extinguishes it and i say “it’s just a little charred allll good” surprised by my relaxation (i will say i lit too many candles and that’s on me and my friends had to become self-appointed fire marshals and blow them out). i realize i’m not stressed if people are having fun because they are all having fun. i should be stressed that the portable golf speaker isn’t loud enough but it’s fine everyone is deep in conversation, i should be stressed that people are feeling weird about washing their hands in the kitchen because i only have one sink but we’re all living on a floating rock and i have aesop hand soap, i should be stressed that the chairs i placed in front of my closet ripped paint off the doors but it actually does not matter everything can be fixed. i look around at the ominously lit candles and the art i’ve collected and the trinkets i love and pick up on an annoying sense of relief knowing that my anxiety surrounding how i was going to get this apartment together by myself was actually so worth it. i go to bed feeling like the luckiest girl in the world because i get to do silly things like this and people who are willing to schlep bags of ice up 6 flights of stairs solely for the absurdity of it all, and vow to never to let the stress of the minutiae dim how sparkly my world can be.

tub at the beginning of the night

tub at the end of the night

THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!

THOW A PARTY it will be fine. everyone wants to go to one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! angelina wrote an amazing how-to for throwing a party- she is 10x over a better hostess than i am and her parties are the most fun i’ve ever had so you should study it like the bible.

this was shorter and not as serious or quite frankly well written as some of the other things i’ve published, but i’m tired and i need to mop my kitchen floor and this is the best i’ve got- i appreciate you!!!!

(sorry for how many times i said stressed, lets all just pretend it’s a literary device i’m using)

also i hit a subscriber milestone that is absolutely so insane to me. thank you. so much. writing this is the best part of my week i still can’t believe anyone reads <3

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo