hey so, nobody talks like that

being pissed off in july

i decided to walk over to my bodega after having an unremarkably bad day. i tend to do this on days like this and tell myself, “MONEY IS NO OBJECT!” as though i am a newly adopted orphan into a generationally wealthy family. i crashed through the door and walked over to the expensive little bullshit beverage section and picked out 1 fresca, 1 diet coke, and 1 limoncello la croix. i made my way over to the candy section looking for twizzlers only to find that they were sold out. god. i approached the counter with a face that would make any grown man shiver, my favorite cashier, adam, took a look at my visceral displeasure and burst into laughter. in-between laughs he said, “you look so ANGRY!!!!!!!!! it’s so cute!!!!!” i immediately followed suit and cracked into my biggest smile. “THERE SHE IS!!!!” he bellowed at me. i threw my head down on the counter dramatically and he asked why i was angry.

WHY I WAS PISSED OFF THAT DAY

• the third-degree blisters on my foot from a pair of leather flip flops i was really excited to wear

• how slow my excel was being that day

• my yoga sculpt instructor from that morning who refused to read the room and realize it was too hot and said annoying things like “if your mind says stop, your body can handle at least 5 more reps” (we’re literally all going to die one day. relax. GOD.)

• this one girl i know who EXCESSIVELY asks where everything i own is from (i believe good things are collected over time and not always via an instagram story reply) (TO CAVEAT, any of my sweet readers can ask me where anything is from, you can literally have the shirt off my back)

• the fact that i can’t seem to get into any of the many books i am reading

• someone i know telling me they are “not political” (extreme loser behavior)

• this guy who told me it’s surprising that i am “actually smart” (humongous loser behavior) (i’m actually not pissed off about this because fuck that guy and i hope he’s reading this!)

• how high my AC bill is going to be at the end of this month

• my uneven sunburn

i didn’t say any of this of course, i paused and told adam, “i saw a movie that really pissed me off me off this week.” i went to see Materialists on monday night because i try to see most movies that are in theaters (if any of my friends are reading this, someone see the new FI movie with me, ellen told me brad pitt wears eckhaus latta in it). anyway, i was particularly excited to see Materialists because i love celine song, dakota johnson and new york. i absolutely loathed it, i won’t go into too much detail because my friend

Elissa Suh

wrote everything that i was thinking and you should go read that, but overall, i thought it was a listless, sexless, and joyless film. at one point when the protagonist, dakota johnson, reveals to her love interest, pedro pascal, that she wants to marry a “very very very rich man” i whispered to angelina who was sitting next to me and said, “this is lame as fuck” admittedly, i never even think to take someone’s finances into account when dating because I Will Always Make My Own Money And Could Care Less, however i was deeply struck by the fact that…. nobody talks like that??????????????

i have this gripe with a lot of pieces of media these days, every week i subject myself to a torture ritual of watching And Just Like That, a spinoff which has rapidly decayed the Sex and the City universe into a sitcom with the same tone as Modern Family. watching Materialists and And Just Like that has made me desperately miss ANY piece of content that actually distills the way in which people communicate to each other in an intellectual and unserious manner, which has obviously made me think about the two seminal tv shows of my origin: Sex and the City and Girls. i am perpetually in a Sex in the City rewatch as it has been the most consistent piece of content in my life since i was 12 (explains a lot, i am aware), but up until this past winter i hadn’t rewatched Girls since i first watched in back in high school. i was shocked by how simply GOOD it is in comparison to anything else i had been watching. clearly i am not alone because Girls is having a bit of a resurgence with young people who are discovering the show for the first time (to be so lucky..).

it’s funny because Sex and The City and Girls exist in such different realms in my brain despite holding them both to such a high standard for dialog and character development. i salivate at the idea of being a full-time dating columnist with botticelli-esque abs and a closet full of absurd clothing and a sexy cigarette addiction and lengthy rolodex of ex-boyfriends. i do not yearn for the same city in Girls, it repulses and pleasures me to the point where i can’t look away. i feel so propelled towards each character because they embody all of my worst elements. we’ve all been blind by the creative cringe of marni, acted out in insecure iciness of jessa, felt the frantic desperation of soshana and have experienced the painstaking looks from our friends after exuding the selfishness of hannah. in contrast, when people excitedly ask which Sex and The City character you are, people reference carrie’s self-assured taste or miranda’s strength or charlotte’s purity or samantha’s confidence. we watch SATC and try to suck up their good qualities with a cocktail straw and we watch Girls to choke down their dispositions like cough syrup in hopes it will somehow be a remedy for our bad qualities. both of these reactions can be chalked up to pure, simple, awesome writing.

a lot of people in powerful positions clearly don’t understand generations younger than theirs, which is why people are launching Girls rewatch podcasts, SATC got a reboot tv show and why the most anticipated romcom of the year felt like it was filmed on a soundstage as opposed to a new york anybody recognizes. i’m sure it feels easier to try to scrape out a tiny piece of what made beloved tv shows and movies great as opposed to creating something uniquely current. i firmly believe everything we produce should be done so in earnest attempt to stand the test of time. this goes for movies, tv shows, books, clothing, etc. the tv/movies which spend the time to accurately distill a moment will live on in admiration, while others which try to shove strange phrases and slang into characters mouths will be forgotten about in a second. however, in order to actually do this, we all need to shut up and actually listen to what people say.

and i’m already back to being the happiest girl in the world

dakota johnson and pedro pascal could never……………

*breaking the angel cake fourth wall for a second* i am confessing that i have gotten myself into such a pickle by typing in only lowercase, i am stubborn and nostalgic but it’s starting to piss me off because i hate not capitalizing titles…. not sure what i am going to do about it but watch this space.

i am aware that this reads as harsh… again, i was pissed off. i thought the soundtrack of Materialists was excellent! and it was very pretty to look at! i also am not a screenwriter so, what do i know… also there obviously still great tv and film being created, The Bear is as excellent as ever in my opinion.

i meant to include this in last week’s letter and forgot, BUT i participated in a reading that the lovely

Valerie

hosted a few weeks ago, i am not going to publish what i read in effort to keep some things offline and sexy, but if you DO want to read it, send me a message and i’ll email you a PDF xx

and just like that… my bad mood has already dissipated! thank you for reading muffins.

AND HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! someone asked me what my 4th of july “ins” are and i landed on the below:

IN

• hotdogs

• elegance

• being unavailable

• listening to a lost album of your past from top to bottom

• whimsical t-shirts

• sunscreen

• 3 beer lunches

XOXOXOX